Top 5 Things That Have Kept Me From Reading More in 2011

In the spirit of the old year, taking stock, planning ahead, etc., I figured it was time to analyze why my reading has fallen off so drastically this year in order to hopefully make changes in the coming days.  Though there's probably 50 sub-reasons under each of these top five, they really do represent what I feel my biggest issues have been this past year.

1. Television.  I admit it, I'm an addict. Not so much as some people (hello, other people living in my house!) but definitely worse than others. I love reality tv (I'm easily entertained) and shows such as Survivor, Amazing Race, and Pawn Stars have eaten into my reading time. Not sure what to do about it--I love both tv and reading, but a better balance should be struck in 2012.

2.  Game playing. I love online games--nothing too complicated, for sure, but Cityville, Castleville, Words With Friends...yep, I love 'em. Gotta curb some of that in 2012 or risk losing even more brain cells that peri-menopause has already stolen. That said, I will recommend the following link because it's mindless and yet fun. Play Mysteriez!2: Daydreaming - Play and Compete Online!

3.  School/Work/Job, etc.  Plan in 2012:  Become a kept woman. Not sure how to accomplish THAT, as I don't plan on getting rid of the husband (he's a keeper). Hey, I said it was a PLAN, not set in stone. But the job does eat into the reading time, whether through actual time or thinking about it when I'm not there. Responsibilities...sometimes it sucks to be an adult.

4.  READ FEWER REVIEW BOOKS.  I mean it. I'm a mood reader and my reading this year has been dictated way too much by my own greed at accepting review (free) books. I love reviewing, and I love books, but sometimes the mandate to get a review done within a certain time frame has resulted in less than stellar reads. I've made this resolution before but this time I'm very serious. I can't even walk by the side of my bed for all my OWN books there, and yet I kept accepting review books. It's a sickness, I tell ya.

5.  Too much running around--and not in a good way. Now I seriously don't begrudge Katherine all her activities, and I want her to participate in band, orchestra, Girl Scouts, whatever--but as of now, she's not able to drive so it's up to us to get her there. Plus the whole having to get her to school by 6:55 FREAKING a.m. every day makes for one tired, and therefore short attention spanned, mama. I wish I could fix this, but that's just how it is. She does turn 16 in April so maybe she'll be able to drive herself more, but then there's the whole worry thing that accompanies a child driving, so who knows? But this I can deal with because that's what you do when you have kids.

Sooooooooo....there you go. I hope and plan to change these things in 2012, but who knows about that, either? I just miss reading. I want to get back to it in a more engaged, productive way. And so I will continue to try to improve on those items I can and let go of what I can't.

~taminator40

Where Have I Been?

Well, that's a good question, and I have an answer. In the past few weeks I have been:

• Reading books for the Historical Novel Society.  Had 3 to get through in a short amount of time (my fault entirely). But I'm done now and ready to move on!
• Starting school. Well, actually, school started August 14 but it's amazing the amount of time it sucks out of my life. With the new teacher evaluation system (don't get me started), this year is in overdrive already.
• Band. K is a sophomore this year and we're knee deep in marching band season. Our first contest is this weekend and then it's 5 weekends in a row...I'm getting a migraine.
• Band secretary. Yep, glutton for punishment, that's me. I'm the Band Booster secretary, which entails note taking for meetings (natch), and also upkeeping the band website (John Overton High School Band), and this year I've taken over the grocery store fundraising (about which our former president lied...it is SO MUCH MORE than 30 minutes per month).
• Jury duty. This past week I did my civic duty and reported to be a juror. Didn't get selected (thank goodness!) but I did report. It could've been 3 days or more, but one was all right with me. I feel like a good citizen.
• Learning the ropes as a new editor at the Historical Novel Society. It's fun but at times overwhelming. But I'm enjoying it! 

And my reading has sucked. Big time. I've been thinking I've been in need of a light, not much concentration required YA book, and I picked up Glow by Amy Kathleen Ryan last night. I'm over 150 pages in already! Sometimes you just need brain candy. I'd like to think things are going to slow down a bit but I seriously doubt it. Oh well. Overall, things are good, if harried. Hopefully I'll get back to blogging more in the future.

~taminator40

Come On Fall Break!

Just thought I'd check in and let everyone know I'm really NOT dead...just brain dead, if that counts. We are 7 weeks into school and my reading has fallen off majorly as my attention span has decreased--it seems my brain is flitting from one thing to another as I hit overload. School's been a bitch so far this year with a principal who leaves a lot to be desired, an assistant principal constantly on spin cycle, and generally declining morale. We're trying to hang in there but it's hard when your leadership is so poor. But enough about that...

Of course the fall television schedule has eaten into my reading time as well. I am a reality tv junkie. I'd join a twelve step program but I'm actually waiting for a television show to be developed around that theme (maybe there's been one and I just didn't know?). Currently I am watching Hell's Kitchen (which finishes in another week or two), America's Next Top Model, Ghost Hunters, Destination Truth, Survivor, and Project Runway. Oh, and The Amazing Race! Mix in The Office, Glee, and Vampire Diaries and you've got some major time occupying television.

But I AM reading. I finally finished An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon, and while I can't review it here (check out my review in The Historical Novel Society, coming soon!), I will say I absolutely loved it. I've always loved Jamie Fraser, and this installment is no less wonderful. A couple of good cliffhangers, too! But it's a chunkster and it took nearly two and a half weeks to plow through 800+ pages. Then I decided that it'd be best if my next book was something completely different, so I've gone for Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater, a young adult book about werewolves. Good so far, then who knows what I'll pick up next?

So that's a minor update on what's going on in the life of The Taminator. Fall break is October 19-23 and it can't come soon enough for many, many, many reasons. If I do nothing but rest and read, it will be successful. Until then, I'll keep plodding along, my brain fried and my hope resting in vacation time ahead.

~taminator40

Deep Dark Depression

There was a time as a child that I'd watch the syndicated country music show HeeHaw. (I know, I don't often share that information publicly). One of the recurring songs on the show was entitled "Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me" and I still recall all the words to this day (yes, this post gets scarier). One of the lines was "Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery." That's how I've been feeling lately, and though the song's humorous, this depression isn't. I can't shake it and it won't go away and no amount of antidepressant is going to make it better.


My friend Carol has cancer. A lot of cancer. A scary amount. The kind that's hard to treat.


Carol and I have been friends for about 15 years now. We taught together at Glendale Middle School and when our current school opened, we moved there together. She's taught both of my daughters, my youngest just last year. She's taught them about math, using sales and hiding new clothes from your husband to make a point. She's taught the youngest one to sew, a domestic art I seriously don't have a gene for. She's picked them up from school when I've been sick or detained, and she's brought me food when I've been sick. She came to my house to visit me when I had Katherine eleven years ago. She gave me hand-me-downs and gave my girls personalized bags. She's incredibly giving, taking care of her elderly mother and her two sons and her adoring husband, Bill. She took Bill's two sons into her heart when they married and calls his grandchildren hers as well. She's a shopaholic with a closet stuffed to the brim with gorgeous clothing. We've shared laughter and fun and tears.


Now she might not even live a month if this round of chemo doesn't work.


I want to question God but there's no point because I won't get an answer and it won't change anything. I should have faith. But how can you have faith when someone so good and loving, who was looking forward to a cruise with her husband this fall, will be lucky to live 6 months and probably not see her youngest son graduate high school in the spring?


Carol is on my mind constantly. If I find myself laughing, I feel bad because of her situation. When I spoke to her last week, she told me she was so scared. So am I. How did this non-smoker get lung cancer so invasive that it's spread to her brain before it was discovered? Carol's always been sickly but that means she's been under a doctor's constant care. How on earth could this have slipped by?


I'm also ashamed.


I'm ashamed because I want to run away from this. I want to pretend I don't even know Carol so it'll make the hurt and fear less. I want to protect my girls from this devastation. How can I, as a friend, feel like this? I saw her picture today and I wanted to get rid of it. I don't want to face this; I don't want to see her. And that's my own personal hurt and fear; I can only imagine what she's feeling now.


I've got to push myself to visit, to call, to let her know how much she's meant to me over the years of our friendship. This cannot be about me; I've got to reach beyond myself. But how do I do that? I don't want to lose my friend. In my heart, I know I'm going to and it makes me sick to my stomach. Running away won't help, but I still find myself wanting to. Carol has so many people praying for her that I've got to believe God's going to hear us. I'm so helpless and so wrapped up in this. How can my friend be dying? She was just at school on the first day, preparing her classroom and getting ready for a new year. Now she's already retired in order to focus herself on the biggest fight of her life.


Sometimes life just ain't fair and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

~taminator40