Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tammy needs constant care. (Well, I am high maintenance if nothing else).
Tammy needs to settle something in herself. (Hmmmmm....)
Tammy needs your prayers and good wishes. (That's a given).
Tammy needs more opportunities to be creative. (Geez louise, this is dead-on).
What Tammy Needs To Know is a performance installation that incorporates autobiographical text, original music and audience interaction .... (uh, I don't think so).
Tammy Needs Your Help Now. (If it has to do with cleaning the house, the answer is yes).
Tammy needs to balance out. (Balance out what? My life? My check book?)
So there you have it...my life according to what the google search engine believes I need. :)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
All of this has me thinking, too; why do I feel the need to defend my reading whenever I mention that I've read (and heaven forbid, enjoyed) a romance? Why do people look down on romance as though it's some sort of sub-genre only those who aren't erudite will enjoy? The fact is, I've read romance for years, beginning with Shanna by Kathleen Woodiwiss way back in junior high. Of course I read it for the emotional connection; why else would I pick up a book that is slightly formulaic and filled with sexual energy? Almost all the romances I've read in recent years have been of the historical variety, though I do enjoy contemporary at times, particulary those of Jennifer Crusie, but honestly, it doesn't matter. I'm here to say now what I know several people feel but won't express due to the expected derision: I like reading romance novels! As long as they are well-written and mostly believable, I'll continue to read them and enjoy them, and I will no longer feel like less of an academic reader simply because I enjoy the brain candy at times. So there. :)
Thursday, May 24, 2007
At least I've knocked out another book that's spent way too long living in Mt. TBR, and I did indeed finish it, which I consider quite an accomplishment, actually.
Now I'm off to finish my current brain candy book, Kilgannon. Ah, romance...something you don't have to think about at all.
Monday, May 21, 2007
When I was in college, I shared my love of writing with a good buddy, Mike, who also had a vivid imagination. Between the two of us, we came up with a tale of a fantasy hero and his world, and I wrote, using his ideas. I seriously considered trying to get this one published, but alas, that fell to the wayside, even if once again, our friends and families seemed to love it. (I know it's a friend's/family's job to be supportive, but I also know false flattery when I hear it, and I never felt as though I was hearing it).
And then I took advanced composition in college. I'd comped out of freshman composition so I didn't have that background to prepare me, but hey, I was a writer, so how hard could it be? Well, considering that the professor beat the love of writing out of me, I'd say it was devastating. I wasn't one of the two newspaper reporters in the class so I didn't count. I'd meet with the professor for advice and walk away wondering what had just happened. This class was one of only two C's I earned in college, which I can live with. But even today, I'd like to take the time to let that professor know just how much she took from me with her casual dismissals of any skills I might've possessed, and her lack of enthusiasm for any suggestion I made.
My mind is still full of stories I'd love to write, but I haven't done anything since college. I'd like to move past that time and just write because I enjoy it, which is what I always did prior to that time. But how do you do it? Nowadays when I write, I think way too much about audience, possible publication, and turn of phrase. When I do write anything, I generally end up liking how I wrote it upon review, but the thought of sharing it with anyone sends shivers up my spine. In my mind, it just won't be good enough.
I've spent many years blaming this professor, and rightly so. But now I'm 43, and it's time for me to take responsibility for my own actions. I should never have allowed her that power in my life. Just who the hell was she, anyway? Just because she had a doctorate I've allowed her to judge me. Well, no more. As school comes to a close, I am promising myself that this summer, I will write. It may never see the light of day, and I've got to make peace with that. But I cannot allow something that gave me so much pleasure for so many years to lie dormant any longer. I've got to take back my own power. Do you hear my voice echoing over the years, Dr. Cox? If not, let me reiterate: You will no longer be the force that holds me back. And that in itself is going to be my reward. I promise myself.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Lots of things are pounding this home for me lately. Today's clincher is the realization that my contact lens prescription has changed yet again. Arrgh. My eyes can't seem to settle in one stage. What's up with that? Now I've got to make an appointment with Dr. Fred (the world's best eye doctor) to get my lenses adjusted...and what else on my body needs adjusting these days?? LOL
Can we talk peri-menopause for a moment? Good gracious, no one warned me about this crap. My mother swears she didn't have a single symptom of menopause--just bang, it's over. (I know she's lying but sometimes self-deception is a coping mechanism). The night sweats (yuck), the mood swings, the periods...Gott in Himmel, the periods. They are coming fast, furious and flooding. Geez. Thirty plus years is enough already and now I've got to put up with this? In addition, the cosmos has dictated that the periods from hell=anemia for me, so that's a whole 'nother piece of the pie to deal with. Geez again.
And I'm becoming set in my ways. Schedule changes just irritate the snot out of me. I like my days orderly; I don't like change. I can envision myself years from now, sitting in my easy chair like my Uncle Wes, living day-to-day with the same things. Better do something about that while I still can...
Anyway, today I was informed that my computer lab at school will be "borrowed" by several groups of teachers for inservices this summer, thus thwarting my end-of-the-year routine and taking control of my environment out of my hands. Gah. I wasn't nice to the lady, though I'm sure she's a nice enough person; I just cannot stand the thought of anyone in my domain, messing with my lab, upsetting the apple cart as it were. Ha. I'm hiding the speakers. Let her deal with that! Bwahahahaha....
Well, I suppose next week, once school is out, I'll feel more energized and will realize that 43 really isn't old and I will realize that adapting to change is what makes life interesting. Or at least I can hope that's what's going to happen. If it doesn't, I'm in serious trouble here, lol.
And as dear little Katherine told me this morning, I'm not really old until I turn 50. That brings a very evil grin to my face for some reason.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Also for years now, we've butted heads on a regular basis. Somehow I was dropped into this family, never quite fitting in though always assured of being loved (and probably very spoiled). I certainly had more in common with my father than my mom. Mom has never understood my interests and in fact has often belittled them. In her defense, if she said the sky was blue I'd have to say it was purple, and if she said she liked one thing, I'd go out of my way to find something else. Oppositional/defiant? Maybe. Distancing myself from her? Definitely.
My mom has always been there for me, ready to babysit, lend money, and help out whenever asked. She doesn't insert herself into our lives without being asked, but that of course does not stop her giving opinions. And I may also be growing up; in the past few years I've made a concerted effort to NOT engage in arguments with her (doing a pretty fair job, but certainly not perfect). It's difficult to let some things go, especially when her beliefs and mine conflict. She's definitely not one for letting things go, so it's been a major milestone for me to learn how to do it. Jeff's even impressed that I'm making progress.
Overall, I'd have to say I've been fortunate and blessed to have this wonderful woman in my life, despite the head-butting and the sticky times when we've both said things we shouldn't have. When I see other people whose mothers are in nursing homes at age 81, I know God's letting me have her because I still need her. And while we may not always be on the same wavelength, part of getting older is learning where to meet one another--and sometimes learning to go past the halfway mark in doing so.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and Happy Birthday!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Our week of band concerts is successfully behind us! Only Katherine's piano recital left and then we can breathe for a bit. It's a good thing school's almost out as most of our students have indeed lost their minds...even the good kids seem to be pushing the limits here at the end of the school year. I definitely need the summer to regroup!
Tomorrow we are headed to my mom's for lunch for Mother's Day. Monday is her 81st birthday--I can hardly believe it as she still runs circles around me. She's one tough lady! And busy...I think she's headed to Mackinac Island sometime toward the end of the month. I hope I can be as active when I'm her age.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I picked up my next tbr_challenge book, Sean Astin's There and Back Again, mostly to fuel my Lord of the Rings obsession and to fulfill my May goal. It's started off a bit slow, dealing with Sean's work before LOTR, which frankly at this point isn't all that interesting. I'm thinking of skipping ahead to where he actually signs on to the movies so I can get to the good stuff. I've got bits and pieces of Fellowship of the Rings and The Two Towers on regular tv these past two weekends and I'm having the feeling that a viewing (all 3 movies in extended form) cannot be too far off. Perhaps I'll reward myself when school's out May 25.
Did I mention school's out May 25? :)
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Since it's an ARC, I can't review it on Amazon, so I'll give a brief review here: We first meet Jane when she is 17 and looking for love. We follow her, not unlike many of her heroines, as she attends balls and visits with friends and family, and we see her mature as a young woman hopeful for love and ever looking up to her elder sister. Following Jane as she develops her writing skills is interesting, and the author does a credible job of using Austen's own style to give us insight into the world of the late 1700s. I was kept engaged throughout, and enjoyed this little gem quite a bit, though I did find it tragic that poor Jane never did achieve the love and household of her own that she so desired. Beyond that, I can recommend this one to lovers of Jane Austen, no matter their age. Now I'm off to read What's a Ghoul to Do? and I'm already almost 70 pages in, and gobbling this fun one up. ~taminator40
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
- "Testing's over, and so are the kids!"
- "When am I supposed to actually teach anything with all of these end of the year activities?"
- "This parent wants me to do what at this late date in the year?"
- "It's too quiet in here...they're plotting something."
- "It's too noisy in here...they're plotting something."
- "How many times do I have to tell them that yes, we are actually going to WORK this afternoon and not just watch movies?"
- "And all of a sudden he's worried about passing NOW?"
- "Sure, I can run the Awards Ceremony, do car duty, keep up with all my grading, discipline everybody in sight, plan a field trip, do scheduling for next year, and get my grades turned in two weeks early. No problem."
- "How long can we suspend a child now? Can we make it last through the end of the year?"
- "OMG, just how many hormones do 7th graders have at this time of year?"
- "I swear, if he gives me one more thing to fill out, I'm going off the deep end."
- "Now why would the kids believe that we're suddenly going to have a different way of doing things simply because there are 3 weeks of school left?"
- "Now why would the parents believe that we're suddenly going to have a different way of doing things simply because there are 3 weeks of school left?"
- "Why can't they pipe in Prozac through the vent system?"
- "What if my class next year is worse than this year's?"
And you thought we were all sunshine and roses all the time, right? This is easily the most stressful time of year. I'm saying the above in a joking manner, but I could rant until I'm blue in the face. As it is, I'm just going to take deep breaths and remember that this, too, shall pass. Even if some kids don't. :)